tea

Is it gonna get better or what??

Bah!

just tired of being poor...

quick question:

will i ever be happy?
cause i'm really starting to doubt it...
='(

Tired of being nice!
This shit is over!
I care too much about everybody else's problems and always try to help...
No more!
I'm the one who always gets fucked up!
I'm tired!
I just don't care anymore...

sick and tired

literally.
i'm sick.
and i'm tired.
so fucking tired.
and i need to sleep,
but i can't...


one of this days i'll run away...

Crazy shrinks... (part II)

Just forgot this one... it went kinda like this:

me: You see, I have a really bad memory...
I have to make lists of what I have to do just so I won't forget it...

shrink: And why do you think that is?
(shrink talk...)

me: I don't know, maybe the medication...? I've been taking these drugs for so long...

shrink: Well, I think it's because weather your anxious or you have Alzheimer's...
(kinda joking me...)

me: I'm not anxious everyday... I really have a memory problem...!

shrink: ...

me: Those are the only options?!

shrink: ... (yes)

me: Well, no, I don't think I have Alzheimer's...!

shrink: You'd be the first case I've seen of Alzheimer's at the age of 24...

me: 25


Now really, am I that crazy?!?

Crazy shrinks...

Am I the only one with a crazy shrink??
I mean, you kinda know when you need one, but still, they don't know everything about you!
That guy saw me like 3 times in 7 months and he thinks he knows me...?!
Do all psychiatrists have the need to find something big and dark that made us depressed?!
God, this guy is making things up, he's the crazy one...
I mention that I would like to go to this summer fest but I probably won't because I don't have the money... and he starts talking about the t-shirt I'm wearing, that has a radio stamped on it, and the reasons why I chose to wear it... OMG!
Now really, I chose that one to wear today because I had to iron a t-shirt to wear and of the big pile of clothes I have to iron, taht one was on top, and I just like it!


Come on is he crazy or what??
And the worst is that I hate to go look for another shrink, again, and tell him/her all over again, and still they will never know my entire life...
I'm tired of this shit.
More meds. A new one this time. More expensive...
Another thing, in December I paid 70€, in February 75€ and now I paid 85€! WTF?!?


Wish life could just get better...

just sometimes...

mine

(and it goes further...)

Just read on tumblr:

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.”

—

Dr. Seuss

Just it...

Don't know if it is the working 13h yesterday,
the sleeping like 5h a night latelly,
the country being a mess...
I really don't know,
I'm just so fucking tired and so sick of it all...
Been feeling more depressed.
Was trying not to say it, but I would be hipocritical then...
Have been crying almost every night the last week.
Feel like it right now...


Really, just fuck all this shit.
The country, the bills, the not being able to do what i love...
Not being able to live, to be me...

Good news vs. Bad news

Today I got very good news and very bad news.
The "only difference" is that the good news aren't directly related
to me, and the bad ones are.
Anyways, I'd rather focus on the good ones because I'm really so
very happy for someone!!
Really, I'm so so so very happy for you honey! ^^
It kinda doesn't matter that I'm gonna have to pay 3.000€ for my IRS...
(f*cking country we live in...really starting to hate it...)

Friends #2

Or some like these...

Friends

I had a text ready for this post but when I went to look for the picture I knew i wanted to put in this, it already had everything written on it, so... less work for me...

DDH*

* "Desperate (Depressed) Housewife"



I'm like the worst kind of Desperate Housewife ever...
I'm desperate,
I'm depressed,
The house (and the kid's) aren't mine,
And I'm still not really a wife,
so...

Cada vez mais...

...penso em sair deste país da treta.
Não sei se conseguia... ia ter saudades de tanta coisa,
de tanta gente, de tantos sítios...
Mas estou tão farta deste sistema, de não poder fazer nada,
de não ter dinheiro pra nada, de não poder fazer da vida aquilo que gosto...
(ninguém me garante que noutro lugar qualquer vá ser diferente...
mas se não tentar também não vou saber...)

Found yesterday in the garbage

I

Oh God...

Am I that drugged, that a 10mg zolpidem used to knock me out in 30 minutes
and I just took one like 2 hours ago and... still nothing...!
I'm so sick of all these drugs...
But I know I won't be fine without them... not yet.
=S

I'm sorry

I won't do it again.
I love so so fucking much!!!

Oh pra mim a fazer um post que não tem a ver com a minha vida pessoal!

Portanto, esta semana:
- morreu o Artur Agostinho;
- morreu a Elizabeth Taylor
- (deve ter morrido mais uma data de gente
que não interessa a ninguém, assim como
também devem ter nascido alguns...)
- José Sócrates demitiu-se do cargo de
Primeiro Ministro (raios, acho que o Unas
e a Cláudia vão ter de mudar o nome da música
porque agora ele já não é o PM... Espera, espera...
"part two"...!!!! É isso!)


e ainda só é quarta-feira...ok, quinta, já passa da meia noite...

a blog whith no pics is kinda borring, hum...?

SICK OF IT ALL

Not the band,
though I like them.
But I'm really just sick of it all...


THIS ROUTINE IS HELL


Again not the band,
But this routine really is hell...

London...

here I come!!
I'll be sleeping (hopefully) soon,
because the clock is gonna ring at 4am
And I won't be comming here until friday
night.
;)

So tired I just want to cry...

Can't sleep... again

Porque é que é exactamente nas vésperas de acordar cedo que não consigo adormecer?!
God... vou deitar-me. Ainda vai demorar... o alprazolan pouco fez...
Às 8h tenho de estar levantada portanto...na melhor das hipoteses vou dormir...5h e meia.
E sim, vou trabalhar às 9h num domingo...já nem distingo os fins de semana dos outros dias...
(mas cheira-me que lindo lindo vai ser quando, na segunda-feira, receber o meu horário para
a próxima semana...a de carnaval...) Boa noite*

I don't feel any like this pics...
but they're meking me feel a little better...

Só me faltava mais esta...

...agora pegaram-me a conjuntivite...
=S

You

It's so windy outside, that I hear a lot of noises...
I just wished one of those would be your car...

I'm sooooo tired

It feels like yesterday I was working and that being with you was two or three days ago... It's so weird... I feel really tired, I feel like I didn't have the last two days off... It's like I've always been working... It feels like I left that house yesterday night, or worst, like hours ago... I can't explain... It feels like I haven't been with you just yesterday... I miss you so much... and rest...I miss that too...peace...

Eu já referi...?

que na sexta saí às 23h,
no sábado entrei às 9:30h e saí às 23h
hoje entrei às 9h e saí às 21:30h.
(foram só 13h e meia num dia e
12h e meia no outro... sem pausas,
"baby sitter" não dá direito nem
a hora de almoço, porque a essa
hora estás a dar o almoço aos putos!
sim, no plural...oh God, help me...)
eu devia ser mais bem paga...




"Oh, this times are hard
and they're making me crazy..."

My eyes won't shut...

Back here.
Not because of the drugs though...
Yesterday I left work at 23h,
Today (weekend...) I started at 9:30h
Left at 23h. No breaks.
Tomorrow I start at 9h,
and will probably leave around 22h...
hopefully...


I'm so tired and I can't sleep...
My head... it doesn't stop, for a minute.
It's hard because even when I'm asleep
I'm not actually resting, you know...?

We're soooooo going!!!!!

love you ^^


P.S. Se souberem de algum hotel fixe ou tiverem dicas úteis, agradeço!
;)

Things involving me (part 2)

Things involving me

Duas coisas que duas pessoas totalmente distintas disseram sobre mim
(uma há pouco tempo, a outra há anos, mas continua a fazer todo o sentido)
e que não podiam ser mais verdade:


"o teu único problema é que o dia devia ter mais de 24 horas"
by prof. S.F.


"não era isto que tu devias estar a fazer..." (profissionalmente)
by M.F.


frustrantemente são totalmente verdade...

Saudades

Calhou em conversa falar de bandas que ouviamos há uns anos...
(tipo há 10... lol)
e deram-me umas saudades... tive de rever (re-ouvir...)
;)

Let's go here baby?

17h

Tenho uma pausa no trabalho agora,
de aproximadamente duas horas,
(sim, porque devo trabalhar até, pelo menos às 23h...)
e agora não sei se hei de dormir uma sesta ou não.
Primeiro, nem sei se consigo.
Segundo, caso consiga, será que me vai custar mais
a adormecer logo à noite outra vez?
Ou será que mesmo com a sesta a insónia volte...?
Indecisões...com a cabeça a mil não adormeço mesmo...
Bah

Elontril + Xanax

can't sleep at night
can't get up in the morning


which is really shitty since tomorrow i have to go to work at 9am...
meaning waking up at 8am...
and, it's almost 4am...
shit

That's just it!

And then, almost out of the blue, he sais:

"...não sei como é que te vou conseguir aturar até ao fim da minha vida..."
(or something just like it)


and i loved it...
source

Sabes quando...

...acabaste de chegar a casa do trabalho, estás cansada,
já passa da meia noite, está muito frio lá fora,
já descalçaste as botas, estás sentadinha no sofá,
aquecedor ligado, portatil ao colo... e o teu namorado liga
a pedir para ires à rua fazer uma coisa (que não interessa
o que é, mas podia ser feita amanhã...) e tu pensas
"oh, por favor, não... sair de casa outra vez?!"
mas vais. (porquê???)
entras no carro, o rádio liga-se e ouves
"porque eu quero-te tanto, não saberia não te ter,
porque eu quero-te tanto, é sempre mais do que eu te sei dizer,
mil vezes mais do que eu te sei dizer..."
(e percebes porquê)
<3

Desperate housewife...

what now?
"sit" and wait as my dreams fly right in front of my eyes...
others can, why can't i?
i don't actually "sit", i'm a full time baby sitter for a couple of 4 year old twins...
and pick them at school, and cook, and clean, and give baths, and work 5h one day and then 13h on the other...
no regular timetable,
usually days off aren't weekends...

and if my english sucks, i'm sorry,
lack of writing... everything looks wrong...

i'm frustrated, yes
got back in the pills, hopefully they'll help.

miss you baby...
wanna live with you
want us both to work on what we like
have money to raise kids properly...

...be happy...

Yes, I'm childish...

and I don't care ^^