"...the looser has to fall..."

Have you ever wanted something so bad, for so long, that you get tired of fighting for it?
That you just wish for once you didn’t have to do anything and it would fall right into your hands?
I still want it. So, so bad.
But I’m running out of ideas. Of plans… (I know I have one but…)
It’s like I know it has to be mine, but, what the hell am I supposed to do?
I’m so sick of waiting.
And yesterday I saw it, for my surprise. Today I saw it again. God, I missed it. The feeling.
And today I feel tired. I feel so tired I wish I could go home and cry myself to sleep.
And sleep all day long.
Today was a day to be happy. I should feel happy. I woke up alright. Now I’m not.